just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
