Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
