My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
