i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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