I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize