Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
