Porn is love you can see.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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