I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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