I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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