I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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