I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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