Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
