i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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