I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
