everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
