TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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