everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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