After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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