so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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