i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
