When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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