Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
