i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
