You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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