Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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