im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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