you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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