KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
