I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize