when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
