Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
