He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
