omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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