the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
