Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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