haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sobbing to NWA
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
