I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
