Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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