can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
