i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
