They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
