i think my tv is drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
