I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
be right there i have to get my cape
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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