he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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