Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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