no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
