i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
