if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
