Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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