Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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