You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize