Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
