She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
