Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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