She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
