Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
