shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We got so high we made milksteak
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My life is pants optional.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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