I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
