The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
