weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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