that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
