Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
